I hear this statement from women all the time.
Why are men so afraid of commitment? Why are all guys such commitmentphobes? Why can’t I find a man that wants a serious relationship?
The answer to this question is men are not afraid of commitment. What men are afraid of is committing to the wrong woman. There is not a single man alive that would not be willing to commit to a beautiful model, who is intelligent, financially successful and has the heart of an angel. In fact many of these commitmentphobes women talk about would jump on a opportunity like that faster then most other men.
What it is really coming down to is that these commitment phobic men see something within you that makes them a bit uneasy. That’s right, the “its me not you” line is a lie. He saw something in you that scared him.
What you have to understand about men is we never to rarely ever think about the future when it comes to relationships. The only time we get a glimpse of the future is when we see something we don’t like. We like to call this moments “Red Flags”
If a man starts dating a woman and red flags start popping up everywhere, he won’t commit. Once that red flag comes up he will immediately see what his life will be like in 10 years and it won’t be good. For example, if you start nagging him about hanging out with his friends, all he sees is if you nag him now, then in 10 years you will be nagging him 10x more. Well if he doesn’t like the nagging now, would he want to be nagged more in the future? probably not.
Guess what’s easy for a man to do in this situation? He’ll just pull away! He’ll end the relationship because he’s afraid of what you will become later in life. To be able to get a man to commit you must learn how to avoid all the red flags he is looking for. Once he sees a red flag multiple times there is no recovering from it. He will just slowly pull away, without explaining why and begin looking for someone else.
Are there some men who are so messed up that they fear anything to do with commitment. Yes of course there is. My question to you is why would them leaving be a bad thing. Remember you want to find a mature quality man, someone who wants a serious relationship. If this man is so messed up he can’t handle a relationship, imagine what a marriage would be like. Him leaving is a good thing.
As for the great guys who are scared by red flags well you need to learn how to communicate with men so they don’t see them popping up. That is all the red flags are forms of miscommunication between the two of you. You don’t have to change who you are, you just have to be able to communication on a man’s level. Its not the fact that he doesn’t like you and that he doesn’t want to date you, its just that you have shown him a future he doesn’t want. Now you just need to inspire him into a future he does want.
Sincerely,
Paul Wright
paulwrigth@decodingmen.com
=========================================================================================
Mike’s Opinion
It is true, a lot of us men don’t think too far into the future on a regular basis. We do have a tendency to enjoy the relationship as it is now and not want to “complicate” it. And when we’re in love with a woman, we usually wish she wouldn’t change at all in the future.
Now when it comes to red flags, there are different types of them. As Paul mentioned one of the biggest ones is nagging. I think one thing that needs to be clear is that nobody is telling you that you have to change who you are as a person to be able to find a man. Unless you think nagging is who you are as a person. The point is to learn how to communicate better with your partner. Nagging is not a good way to communicate what it is that you want.
Sincerely,
Mike Shepherd