Dating A Player

Most women have had at least one experience with the guy who is only after one thing.  Not just the drunk at the bar who makes a lewd suggestion, but the guy who deliberately pursues her with charm and persistence but a very set agenda.  Unfortunately too many women have engaged this guy in his game in the hope of finding something deeper under the surface.  My suggestion?  Don’t.

On behalf of men, I’d like to apologize for the ‘player’ – that man who treats women as objects to attain and satisfy his whims.  They are far too common, but please don’t think they are some kind of default for all men, or representative of the rest of us.  What saddens me more than their general existence is the experience I have had with women who have tried to engage these guys in a relationship that circumvented their worst nature and became something meaningful.  By and large they are hurt and disillusioned and wonder what went wrong.

Ladies, what went wrong was him.  There has long been a thread in our culture that has told men that their worth and masculinity is derived from their ability to attract and bed women.  Unfortunately, some people believe it.  Of course, all of us want to be desirable, but there are individuals whose sense of worth is underdeveloped or damaged to the point that they fall back on this fallacy as their means of support.  They feel most valuable when they can attract women or add them to their list of ‘conquests.’.  These are the guys who will hold a break-up over your head as collateral if you don’t move at the pace they desire.  They will expect lots of action but little intimacy, and they will be reluctant to invest too much into the things that really build a relationship.  However, if you compromise what you want in the hope they might grow into something deeper, you are probably in for disappointment.  There is not a lot you can do for these guys; they need to come to this realization themselves.  To attempt to rescue them is to court disaster.

If you are wondering about a guy you are dating, my advice is to hold on to your standards and watch his reactions.  The ‘player’ wants easy ego-food.  If you are willing to spend time getting to know one another without compromising what you expect from him, you will weed these guys out every time.  They will move on to easier pickings.  The temptation is to give in because it isn’t easy to meet people these days, and maybe – just maybe – you can turn him around.  A little compromise here and he’ll fall for you and want something more.  I’m pretty sure that if he starts in this frame of mind he won’t shift in a hurry, and you are worth more than that.  Keep away.

There are still decent guys out there.  None of them are perfect, but you don’t have to submit yourself to the hurt and humiliation of feeding some jerk’s lack of self-confidence in your search.  Hold your head up high and let him go prop his ego up somewhere else.


Dan Kelly


Paul’s Thoughts

I’ll just make a quick comment here.  Don’t waste your time with a guy like this.  You can not change a man, so don’t waste your time trying too.


Paul Wright

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