Why Men Don’t Call

You had an amazing date, everything was perfect and the chemistry was definitely there.  After walking you to your door he says “I’ll call you”, “I’ll talk to you later” or “I’ll see you later.”  Then you never hear from him ever again. No call, no text, nothing.  Why would a man say “I’ll call you” and then not call.

First you have to understand that men communicate differently then women.  He has just used man talk. The problem is you don’t understand what it means, because you can’t speak man.  So what does it mean when a man says “I’ll call you” or “I’ll talk to you later?”  It means this is the end of the conversation, I’m done talking, good bye.  That’s all it means.  He never had any intention of ever calling you again.  In fact he doesn’t even know he said he would call you. From his point of view all he said was goodbye.

In fact I have a childhood friend who moved to the other side of the country about 16 years ago.  I will receive a phone call from him about once every 6 years just to catch up.  At the end of each phone call he always says “I’ll see you later.”  He knows we are not going to see each other later, he is saying it as a way to say goodbye.  Do I get upset.  No, because as a man I know what he means.  I know he has nothing more to say and this is his way of ending the conversation.

Now what does it mean when a guy doesn’t call.  Well it means he doesn’t like you or wasn’t interested enough in seeing you again.  Women have a very bad habit of over-analyzing certain situations. Stop over analyzing it.  Stop going over in your head about how he said he would call but then two weeks later you still haven’t heard from him but he said he would call, but then why haven’t you heard from him.

STOP

He hasn’t called because he is not interested in going out with you again.  If he was interested he would call. I know what you are thinking.  Shouldn’t he at least call you and let you know he is not interested.  Let me ask you some questions. Why should he call you?  What would be the point in calling you to let you know he is not interested?  Because it would make you feel better?  Do you really want to hear why he was not interested or do you want to hear something that will make you feel better?

Would you like to hear that he thought your butt was too big,  your voice was really annoying, you were too argumentative, you were too bossy, you had a masculine vibe or that you were just so boring to listen to? Would hearing that make you happy? It’s not what you want to hear is it, but that would be the truth.  Since men know telling you the truth would just upset you, men choose a different approach to letting you know they are not interested.

“If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

So Instead of being rude we just choose not to say anything at all.  Take a man’s silence as his answer.  He is telling you he is not interested in you.  He is just telling you with his silence.

Man Talk Translations:

“I’ll call you later” = I’m done talking. I want to go home, goodbye

He calls you within four days = I’m interested in seeing you again and learning more about you

He calls after the fourth day = I’m not interested in you and I don’t want to learn more about you, but I am still attracted to you so can I have sex with you.

You never hear from him ever again = I’m not interested in getting to know you or in having sex with you

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

paulwright@decodingmen.com

4 thoughts on “Why Men Don’t Call

  1. Sophia
    December 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Wow, this really puts things in perspective for me. I guess we, women, want guys to communicate the way we do but we need to learn how they, men, communicate. By doing so it’ll make our lives so much easier! No more doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out whether he’s interested. Silence IS an answer. Thanks so much Paul for this article and the other insights written on this site. You guys rock!!! S.C., NYC

  2. Annie Taylor
    December 17, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    This is a bunch of bologna! Yes, it does mean that this is end of the conversation but it surely doesn’t mean that he never has intentions of calling you again. My male friends say this to me all the darn time and always call.

  3. Annie Taylor
    December 17, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    And women must realize that in todays age men REALLY do get busy and silence isn’t always an indicator to a man’s level of interest! Men have lives, jobs, kids, education requirements, etc………

  4. December 18, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Hi Annie,
    Thanks for your comment, however you’re comparing how your guys friends act (a platonic relationship), when we are discussing how men act when they are dating a woman (a romantic relationship). Yes, you are right, men will say I’ll call you later to a friend and if life gets busy for them you might not hear from them for a month, but they will still call eventually. However, if a woman goes out on a date with a man (who is not a friend) and after that date he is not interested in dating that woman further, he will not call.

    As for being busy, everybody is busy that is part of life. If a man finally meets a woman who he really likes and is very attracted too, he will find a way to save 10 minutes for one phone call to ask her out on another date. If a man is really interested he will call, no matter how busy he may be (barring death of himself, family or friend). In fact in today’s day and age everybody carries cellphones 24/7, and that is so they can always be in contact with everyone they know. If a guy is too busy to make a 10 minute call to a woman he really likes when there is a phone in his pocket, he shouldn’t be dating until things calm down for him. Any relationship he gets into will require more then 10 minutes.

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