Why Can’t I Find A Good Man?

While it can be hard to find a good man, many times its not from a lack of good men.  You have to understand while women are trying to find good men, good men are trying to find classy and sophisticated women.  This is something you must understand, when it comes to appearance men would prefer classy, sophisticated, happy, healthy and friendly.  Don’t try pulling the snotty, I’m better then everybody else appearance and think you are acting classy and sophisticated.  Happy and friendly are important as well.

With that said, you can be as happy, healthy and friendly looking as possible, but if you have a really trashy appearance most good guys will try to avoid you.  Before every woman jumps down my throat about how a man shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and how that slutty looking girl could actually be a real saint, you must first understand how human beings have developed biologically.

Everybody judges! It was how all humans and animals were built, to be judging machines. Even people who say they don’t judge, do in fact judge people.  The reason is the limbic part of the brain also known as the emotional brain, tends to react and judge instantly before your frontal cortex can’t ever stop you from judging.  This means whenever we meet someone new, attend an event or just walking down the street we are all subconsciously and instantly judging everything.

Visual Communication

You See We ALL Judge!

The reason why all humans do this instantaneously is to make sure we remain safe.  Its called the Reticular Activating System, a safety mechanism that has allowed humans to survive for 1000s of years. This process allows people to take in huge amounts of information instantly, process this information immediately and determine an appropriate response.  Normally this process is highly accurate.

For example, as cave people we learned that anything large, hairy with big sharp teeth was extremely dangerous.  Whenever we saw anything remotely resembling that, we instantly learned that we needed to run. Those cave people who were not able to learn from their limbic brain and utilize their reticular activating system would have died very early in life, usually trying to pet a saber tooth tiger.   This is why all women tend to get very nervous and avoid all men who have weird starring problems, have a constant need to touch the woman and wear weird clothing.  The reason being the limbic brain is trying to warn you that this man could be a stocker, rapist or serial killer and to avoid him at all cost.  This is a judgement and it is designed to keep you safe.

The reason I bring this up is because the limbic system is able to understand and interpret more information then you can ever possibly realize. The information it processes is all visual. This means that your appearance communicates more then you know.  In fact 55% of communication is visual, which means you communicate with people everyday by how you look and only 7% of communication is verbal (the other 38% of communication is tone).  With that said, if men are looking for classy, sophisticated, healthy, happy and friendly women and you have the appearance of a used up crack whore, don’t be surprised when good men are not approaching you. You are instantly giving them the information they need to know that you are not what they are looking for.

Why Can't I Find A Good Man

 Red Flags For Quality Men:

Smoking – Not only is it commonly know to cause health problems, there are few things that make a woman look less classy.  Don’t forget the smell, as a smoker you might not notice it, but smokers all smell like a wet dog that has rolled themselves in a pile of crap. I have dated one smoker in my life, which was the last smoker as well. She used to ask me how her perfume would smell all the time and I could never smell it over the cigarette stink.  Then of course I would always smell like smoke whenever I spent time with her.

If you smoke please stop, if not for your health then at least for your dating prospects.  Most nonsmoking men will not date a smoker.  Stop smoking and you will double the number of men that are attracted to you because now you don’t just have to date smokers, you can date nonsmokers as well.

Drugs – There is nothing more attractive then seeing a woman bent over a table so sticky and dirty that I wouldn’t touch it with my bare hand, snorting a line of coke off it. Or passed out with a needle in her arm, dry bubbly split lips from a crack pipe, flailing around on the dance floor while hopped up on Ecstasy or passed out with their head between their crotch from smoking too much dope. This is what we call sarcasm, there is nothing attractive about this.

If you have ever seen Scarface, there is a point in the movie when Al Pacino’s character is so upset that his wife can’t have babies because her body is so messed up from all the coke she uses.  If a guy who sells coke doesn’t want a coke head for a wife, why would a quality man.

Remember when a guy sees you doing drugs he instantly knows that you aren’t happy (which is why you are doing drugs), you are not classy or sophisticated and you have destroyed your own health.  If you do drugs on a regular basis, don’t be surprised when you attract guys who do drugs, which might not be the type of guys you want to attract.

Tattoos – Were meant as a way for criminals to display a resume on their body.  How many years served in prison, types of crimes committed, what criminal family they are a part of, etc.  It was a way to instantly recognize and know who you were dealing with.  For example, spiders and cobwebs meant the person was a drug addict and not to be trusted.  Instant communication through visual means.Tribes in many third world countries give tattoos to their people, again after they have done something meaningful.

Somehow North Americans have jumped on the bandwagon and fairies, butterflies, dolphins and tribal tattoos are popping up everywhere. One or two tattoos can be cute if truly meaningful and placed in a nice discreet location, otherwise it is just a giant ink spot.  It looks like someone rolled a piece of silly putty over newspaper and stretched it out.

No woman looks classy with a skull, stars, butterflies and dolphins splashed all over their chest and arms. It looks completely out of place in a nice evening dress.  Remember what the guys said in Wedding Crashers, always go for the woman with the tramp stamp, because you know she will have sex with you.  This is because she isn’t classy or sophisticated.  Whether or not this is true, doesn’t matter, the opinion is so widely held by men, that multiple movies are voicing it.

Don’t forget those tattoos might look good now but in twenty years, that butterfly with look like a elephant, and the dolphin a whale, once all your skin starts stretching and hanging with age. One last point about tattoos, you may like the look of what you have on your body, but that doesn’t mean the guy will like it.  I knew one guy who dated a woman who had a picture of her dead cat and dog tattooed on her back.  He had to look at a cat and dog every time he had sex with her, believe me that is not something you want to look at when having sex.  I even know women who have tattoos of better looking women on their bodies.  Again, I don’t think the man you are with needs a constant reminder that there are better looking women in this world then you.  The tattoos have gone too far and there is nothing classy about them.

Florescent Hair – I remember the days when women had normal natural hair, blonde, brown, black and red.  Now hair comes in all kinds of shades and colours: blue, bright florescent red, green, purple, etc.  The problem with this kind of hair, is that nobody ever notices you.  You see with visual communication you want to wear and style your fashion to help people to see you.  In essence you are wearing your style.  However, when you have such bright unnaturally loud hair, you are not wearing your hair, your hair is wearing you. Nobody can see who you are, because all they can see is your hair.

Don’t believe me, put your hair into a hat so nobody can see it, go onto the street with a picture of yourself and ask passers by what is the first thing they notice in your picture.  Most will say your hair, some will be nice and try to mention something else.  The best way to get an accurate read is to just follow their eyes.  Everybody will instantly focus on the hair because its overpowering you and that is not what you want.  You don’t want your style to over power you, you want it to enhance who you are.

Don’t use fashion and style as a way to shield yourself and hide from other people.

Piercings – I like earrings, they really help to accentuate a woman’s beauty by drawing attention to her face.  I think a little nose piercing because it really draws your attention to a woman’s nose. Especially when she laughs the piercing will sparkle as her nose wrinkles.  What I find confusing are the 18 earrings, eyebrow piercings, lip piercings, the piercing through the nose like a bull.  Its hard to see a woman’s face with all the metal covering it up.  I can’t even figure out how people kiss with all the piercings around their lips and I know most guys are with me when I say I don’t want to find out. Seriously, if you can set off a metal detector with your face, you have more problems then not just being able to meet a good guy. How about never being able to travel.

Just like florescent hair, and tattoos, piercings draw away from you expressing yourself.  The hair, tattoos and piercings are wearing you, that is all people see, they actually don’t get a chance to see you.

Clothes – Men love slutty looking clothes, because they scream sex, whether the woman wants them too or not. When a man sees a woman wearing a low cut top, low cut skirt, he automatically assumes she is willing to have sex with anybody.  This is what I mean when we are talking about the reticular activating system, it doesn’t matter that you don’t want to have sex, all that matters is what men understand from how you dress.  An outfit like that means a woman will more likely then not have sex. So you will attract the types of guys who only want sex and the good guys who want a relationship will look else where.

Always select classy over slutty, this tends to mean coverup and hint, rather then expose.  Show the shape of your body, but don’t go revealing everything up to an inch from your naughty bits.

Over drinking – Is it a turn on when men are sloppy, tripping, spilling, saying stupid things and acting like a complete idiot while drunk? Probably not, well the same goes for women. Women look just as bad, if not worst.  No one is saying you can’t have fun, but do you really need to get so drunk your friends have to carry you and your shoes outside, so you can lay down in a pile of your vomit and urine?

Just being on a first date with someone that has one too many drinks is a turn off for lots of men.  It means you have no ability to control yourself, which means this is only a glimpse of some terrible things in the future.  Why risk it, a man is better off avoiding you and investing his time somewhere else.

Dogs In Purses – On behalf of all men, I am begging women to please stop carrying dogs around in purses.  Dogs are living creatures, they are not an accessory. This just looks stupid and makes you look like you have lost all sense of reality. Dogs have fours legs, that is two more then humans have.  These legs are for walking. Either get a dog that is capable of walking without breaking a leg or don’t get a dog.

No Effort In Your Appearance – I know every woman wants the Cinderella story, to have a man recognize how beautiful and amazing of a person she is by looking past her appearance and really getting to know her on the inside.  Well this just isn’t going to happen, men are visual creatures and all your appearance is communicating to him is to stay away.

Women who don’t put any effort into their appearance and then are surprised why men are not interested – Men are visual creatures!  Therefore if you don’t put any effort into your appearance don’t be surprised, when men don’t put any effort into looking at you.  If you want a man to put in the effort of facing humiliation and rejection in front of a bunch of people, then you need to put in the effort to attract him.  Old running shoes, jeans and a sweatshirt, are not going to do it.

Swearing – I know the focus of this article has been visual but I just have to bring up this one point.  The constant swearing like a foulmouthed trucker has got to stop.  One of the main reasons why men are attracted to classy and sophisticated women is because these types of women help to motivate and inspire men to be better then who they are.  Men are forced to get out of the boys club with the swearing and rough housing and develop a more sophisticated manner themselves.

Of course, if you just want to swear a ton and act like one of the boys, don’t be surprised when that is what you become. One of the boys and nothing more.  Act like a lady and every man will treat you like a lady.

Don’t Be A Snooki – I have seen Jersey Shore once, for five minutes and that was five minutes too long.  In that time, I learned one thing and that is Snooki has to be one of the worst representations of a woman today.  There is nothing right about the way Snookie acts, dresses, or anything she says or does.  Funny enough Snooki does every single thing on this list. If you want to attract a good man, do the exact opposite of Snookie.

Please notice that all the appearances above take away from a woman looking classy and sophisticated.  Its simple, if you want to appear classy and sophisticated don’t do any of these things. If you do any three or more of these visual faux pas, then you might want to consider that the reason why you are not attracting the type of guy you want is because you are not visually communicating the right message.  Perhaps its time to reassess how you express yourself to the world.

Please leave a comment below; Let me know what you think, I always love to hear opinions about the cartoons and articles we put up on the site. 


Paul Wright


6 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Find A Good Man?

  1. I. Rosario
    January 14, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Amen to that! I’m glad someone had the courage to say it. It’s hard enough to attract a good man, without sabotaging yourself before you even say anything.

  2. January 15, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Thank you for leaving the comment and I’m glad you liked the article. I have been receiving lots of flak ever since I posted it. I think people forget that I’m just the messenger and I always do lots of research and consult with countless men before I post articles like this. This is why I created this site to give women insight into the minds of men. Sometimes those insights might not be popular, but isn’t it better to know, so you can increase your chances of meeting the type of guy you want? Rather then have him avoid you because of something you did and you never knew why?

  3. Deborah
    January 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    These, of course, are your opinions. I’m sure you are not the mouthpiece for all men.

  4. admin
    January 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    @Deborah, thank you for your comment. While these are my opinions, I did consult with every male I know to ensure I did not stand alone in this. As stated in the article there is in fact more to this then just opinions. It is based on the reticular activation system, this is a system that we have used throughout history. Just look at the biker or banker image, when you decide who is who, that is the reticular activation system at work. Its not an opinion, its an instantaneous cognitive recognition process. Something that is commonly utilized in Hollywood. In a movie, they only have a short time to tell a story, so many times they don’t have time to explain the background of a character. Using the visual appearance a movie can tell an audience everything they need to know about a character. I’m sure you have seen a movie where you have been able to recognize who is the hard-nosed bitter veteran cop and who is the eager young rookie, without ever being told who is who. This system isn’t just used for male characters in movies, but women as well.

    One movie off the top of my head is “The Town” there are two main female characters in the movie. One is a lower class woman the protagonist is trying to get away from in life and the other is a classy and sophisticated woman he is trying to be with. Again without knowing their specific background the audience knows what type of women they are. One has tattoos, smokes, wears overly revealing clothes, drinks, does drugs and swears. The other wears nice clothing, doesn’t smoke, or swear. I’m sure even by reading this you can tell which character is which.

    Don’t forget the movie “Wedding Crashers” where they always go after women with a tramp stamp, because they know those women are “easier.” Hence, the name for the tattoo “Tramp Stamp” I didn’t create that name for the tattoo, it is commonly used in our society. It is also a common belief among men that women who have tramp stamps are more likely to have sex. Is it right that men should have this belief? No, but that is how the reticular activating system works. It works before the cognitive mind can stop the process. Nobody said women with tramp stamps are not nice, friendly, good people, but the reticular activating system makes the judgement call that they are easier whether they are nice or not.

    So is this just my opinion? Well obviously if movies are utilizing this belief, then more people then just myself are sensing it. Is it right? I never said that is how the world should work, I just explained how the reticular activating system interacts with the world as we know it. Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes there are, but remember they are the exception and much harder to find then the rule. Also as previously stated the reticular activation system works before you can consciously suppress the thoughts. Are men the only ones that think this way? No, men are not the only ones, in fact woman use this process as well.

    If you don’t believe anything that I have written, ask yourself this question “Do you think Snooki from JerseyShore is a classy, sophisticated woman?” She does almost everything mentioned on this list and I have not found a single male who believes she is classy or sophisticated. I always love to hear feedback on the articles we post on this site and I’d really like to hear what you think.

    Paul Wright

  5. LivingRose
    February 28, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Points well made and taken. So, what then for someone who is already doing all 12 of your 12 suggestions? (I do confess to over-drinking on a date and learned to regret it, but that was an exception, not the rule).

    I’d like to take you at your word that there are numerous men looking for classy, sophisticated, happy & friendly women. I simply wish I had more personal evidence of it.

  6. admin
    March 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Well then we need to get you out of the house and into a target rich environment. Meaning we need to get you into a place filled with men. Check out this to read about some of the best places to find men. I hope this helps. Paul Wright

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *