The Different Roles Of Men And Women In Dating

Dating Roles Of Men And WomenI know people hate being put into roles, but when it comes to dating women and men naturally take on specific roles.  This isn’t just in the human world, these roles can be found throughout nature in other mammals, reptiles, birds, fish and even insects.  The roles I refer too are the primary factors of dating in regards to the selection of a mate.

Men Try To Impress Women; Women Choose Men

When it comes to selecting a partner, women hold all the power.  If you take a look in nature, you will find all sorts of male creatures that do odd elaborate mating dances, flash bright and bold coloured plumage with an inflated chest, sing beautiful melodies or create strange noises and yes, even show off feats of strength in an painful battle with another suitor.

If you remove the word creature from that last paragraph, I’m sure you could image or have seen lots of men performing the exact same acts.  We try to believe that we as humans are a high evolved species but when it comes to dating are instincts are as primal as your average monkey.

Just go out to a local dance club and in five minutes of being there I guarantee you will see a lineup of men by the Bar all with their chests puffed out, trying to act like they are bigger and more alpha then the other males.

Direct your attention to the dance floor and you can see a few males trying to put on a dance clinic all by themselves in an effort to catch a potential mates attention.

I’m sure you may have witnessed, two guys getting into fight.  It’s sad, but at least one of those guys (usually the one picking the fight) is truly hoping that if he wins the fight all the women in attendance will be so impressed that they will fall all over him.

So why do men try to impress women?  Essentially it comes down to the fact that women are the ones who have the final say when it comes to choosing a partner.  A man can select a woman that they he would like to be with, but it is the woman who will decide whether or not their first meeting will lead to another.  It is the woman that chooses when the two will have sex.  Women hold the deciding vote and can veto the decision at any time.

Nature even plays a crueler trick on men.  When men are in the presence of a woman that they find attractive, their testosterone will increase and their cognitive inhibitions have been found to be lowered.  This equation can add up to a male that is more aggressive with no worries of making a fool of himself.  Hence why you have seen a whole lot of men try to pick up women in such crazy and stupid ways or make complete asses of themselves on youtube.

Can Women Pick Up Men

If you are finding that the men you are interested in are not approaching you, then maybe its time to approach them.  In this day in age its actually very common for women to approach men.  In fact, you will find that the majority of men are flattered by a woman approaching them and far more receptive. Since most women are approached at least a few times every day, this attention can make some women a little jaded and/or standoffish.  Men on the other hand don’t receive this kind of attention and therefore are more receptive too it.

With that said, having the woman approach the man does change the existing roles.  In doing so, the woman has placed the choosing power in the man’s hands.  While this is not a terrible thing, what does go is his natural desire and need to try and impress the approaching woman.  Since obviously he has already impressed you enough to approach him.

The Lost Art Of Meeting Men

In the old days, the idea of a woman approaching a man was considered scandalous.  Yet everyday these old fashioned women approached and met men of their choosing. The difference is they used the innate nature of men to their advantage.  Most men naturally want to protect women.  Even women they don’t know are have any kind of connection with.  Men will actually leap into oncoming traffic to help a woman in distress.  This does not mean put yourself in harms way.

Old Fashioned Methods For Meeting A Man

Imagine a good looking well dressed man walking down the street.  Common methods women used to use to meet those men:

1) Dropping her handkerchief.  The woman will drop her handkerchief just in front of the man, any kind gentleman would immediately pick it up and return it to its owner.

2) A distressed woman that can’t navigate a puddle on the street.  Those long dresses were very problematic and the streets in those days were lined with holes filled with mud that could potentially ruin any woman’s dress.  A true man would help a woman find her way past this puddle or lay down his coat so she could step across it unblemished.

3) A sprained ankle.  The pain of a sprained ankle could can knock anybody off their feet.  Only a real man would come to the aid of a hurt woman and help her to safely get where she needs to go.

4) Fainting. Many women wore very tight and restrictive corsets, which greatly hindered their ability to eat enough throughout the day to maintain their energy or breath properly.  This sadly caused many women to faint unexpectedly.  This does not mean, that fainting wasn’t from time to time faked in an effort to draw in a preselected male.

What do all these methods have in common?

The women in each scenario places herself in the man’s path, so essential approaches the man.  This is one thing old fashioned women understood, you can not meet a man if you are not around him.  Once the man is in her line of sight, she fakes a moment of distress or creates a problem that needs to be solved.  This immediately causes a man’s brain to jump into problem solving mode, he will immediately jump to the woman’s aid.  Remember when in the presence of a woman that a man is attracted too, his testosterone will rise and his inhibitions will lower, added in with his nature need to protect women, its hard for a man to resist this type of scenario.

The best part about this is it’s an immediate conversation started.  The man makes sure the woman is safe, and if she needs any further help.  The woman of course will end the conversation with “Is there any way I could prepay you kind Sir?”

At which the man will reply “Perhaps if you would be willing to accompany me to the festival harvest this Saturday?”

The man leaves the encounter feeling like a hero and excited about his coming date.  The woman has initiated a date with the man she is interested in.  The best part is she has used his brain and natural tendencies to create the desired outcome.  It reminds me of my favorite quote from the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”

“The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.”

This is true of men back then and its true of men now.  These men saw what they saw only because the woman put it in front of their faces.  The problem is today, women have forgotten that they are the necks and that they need to show men where to look.

What women do in this day and age when it comes to meeting men is get together with girl friends go dancing or sit at a table.  I hear women complain all the time about how the men they like don’t approach them.  Well if he can’t see you or doesn’t think you have any interest he is not going to approach you because many women in his life have made it clear that its rude to approach a woman that is not interested.

So sitting on the other side of the room, with your toe pointed at him and touching your hair is not enough to indicate your interest.  You could be pointing your toe at fifty other guys.  Its hard to determine that your flirtations are specifically meant for one man.  Instead turn the man’s head, so you are the only thing he sees.  How do you do this?

1) Walk by him and trip over his feet as you walk by.  His arms will automatically reach out to catch you.  Let him be the hero and safe you from hurting yourself.

2) Get up and move yourself to where he is located.  It’s much easier for a man to start talking to a woman that is seated right next to them.  If he is at the bar, then seat yourself and one other friend at the bar next to them.

3) Leave your scarf behind.  Go out buy some cheap scarves, something you are not afraid to lose.  Then ask the man you are interested in to look after your things while you go to the bathroom. This will make sure he pays special attention to what you have and personal responsibility for your items.  Go to the bathroom, when you come back thank them, as you go to leave you accidentally leave behind your scarf. When he sees this he will chase after you to give it back.

Many times you won’t even have to leave the scarf behind.  Just asking him to look after your items and thanking him when you get back will be enough to naturally start the conversation.  The point is giving the man an opportunity to talk to you, where he doesn’t feel like he is invading or disrupting your personal space.  Once the opportunity to talk is made available to him, most guys will naturally take it from there.

When you both old, sitting in your wheelchairs and looking back on your time together, I’m positive you will be able to see his chest puff out, his chin lift and a gleam appear in his eye as he brags about how he rescued you.  How that moment helped to make him feel like the man he is today.  Then you can tell him how you planned the whole scenario, but until you both happy married and celebrating your grand children’s birthdays lets just keep this between us.


Paul Wright




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