I have met a man 5 weeks ago. He took me out for several dinners and is keen in seeing me quite a lot. Joining me for my hobbies and even wanting to meet my friends.
During this time we had sex once, where I pointed out that we have to be exclusive. He went for a vacation back home to celebrate with his family for an important event. There was no call or text during this time from him.
How shall I react when he comes back and expect me to meet?
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Dan’s Opinion
It sounds like things are on the right track, except for the lack of contact while he was away. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but dial things back when he returns all the same. If he is really interested in you, he should have made contact at least once. You will get a feel for where he is coming from by his expectations when he comes back. If he expects to pick up where you left off, then hold back a little – he may just be using you. If he is willing to rebuild the relationship outside of the bedroom, and has genuine reasons (or is genuinely sorry) for not being in touch, then you can start back down the track of getting to know one another and building intimacy. But don’t give him too much too soon – let him realize that if he wants you, he gets the whole you, and not just a bedmate.
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John’s Opinion
There is a big difference between a man being keen on meeting your friends and joining you for your hobbies and him actually doing those things. Talk is cheap and actions always speak louder. If he was so keen on getting to know you and your social circle, it seems odd that he couldn’t even send you so much as a text to ask “how are you doing?”
Some men just have bad manners, so don’t take it personally. When he returns and he wants to meet up, it might serve you well to find a polite and harmless way of letting him know that you would appreciate a little more consideration in the future. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but it lets him know where you stand. The key is to not make it an argument. He may be completely clueless to how it made you feel. He was with his family and it’s easy to get caught up, just because he didn’t text or call you, the truth is it doesn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about you.
Just find a nice way of letting him know that he could do better.
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Paul’s Opinions
I will just say this, if a guy is really truly into you he will make every kind of effort to stay in contact with you. Lets take the worst case scenario, the time zones are completely different so calling is impossible and he is broke from the flight, so he can’t afford the long distance charges. If he was really into you, he would at the very least text.
With that said, you have only known him for 5 weeks. It takes a lot longer for most men to become emotionally connected to a woman. Just because you feel connected and want a relationship with him, does not mean he feels the same way at this point.
Lastly, even though you said that to have sex with you, that you needed him to be exclusive to you, does not mean he was being honest. I hate pointing out the worst case scenario here but if he didn’t contact you, all of what I have said or at least part of it is true. He just really are not that important to him at this stage.
How should you deal with him when he gets back? Its very easy, be polite, be pleasant and don’t chew him out for not calling you while he was away. That is a one way ticket to him never calling again. Ask him how his trip was, if he enjoyed himself, what he got up too, basically keep it light. When he asks if you want to meet up, get together and have a good time.
There is no need to bring up the lack of communication, until he shows you that he thinks you are still an exclusive couple. Which means when he tries to have sex with you again. Once he does that, you can assume he figures he has done nothing wrong. At this point, you can explain to him that you can not have sex unless you are in an exclusive relationship. When he never called or texted, you assumed he was no longer interested in having a relationship with you. If he tries to back pedal, let him know that its ok, but you expect a partner to be more courteous and respectful. Let him know you would love to still date, but you can’t have sex until you are in a serious monogamous relationship.
This way you are not creating an argument before you have seen his motives. For all you know, he could have been extremely busy and knows that he screwed up by not calling. Therefore, he may take this slow when he gets back to prove that he wants a serious relationship with you. There is no point ripping a man’s head off before you find out what is coming out of it first.
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