Over-Analyzing A Man

Often times, when an athlete is continuously messing up routine plays that he should have made and is expected to make with ease, a good coach will pull him aside and tell him, “You’re thinking too much, just play the game.”

For many women who are experiencing unnecessary trials and strife in their relationships, sometimes, the problem is you’re over analyzing your man and you’re seeing things that just aren’t there. Or, “You’re thinking too much, just play the game.”

For example, an ambiguous text…I have seen women spend countless hours dissecting and analyzing every single last syllable and character of a text as if it was the Da Vinci Code. If they can’t decipher the meaning behind the meaning of the text (because there always has to be one) then they bring in a team of experts, otherwise known as their girlfriends to further scrutinize the 30 or so, character text. By the end of it all, they’ve come to the conclusion that the man is cheating, has commitment issues and never loved his mother. It’s funny how a simple text “Hanging with the boys tonight,” can do that. Poor dude, should have added a smiley face.

Whether a text, a social media message or posting, a missed phone call, or something as subtle as a bad joke, too often, women put way too much energy into trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind a man’s actions or inactions. So let me help you.

Excluding those of us who are divas, generally speaking, we’re really not that complicated. That said, if you’re trying to make sense out of everything we do and don’t do, you’re wasting your time especially when you look closely at some of the types of men there are out there. Allow me to elaborate.

Straight Shooters

Some guys just say and do what they think and don’t think too much about what they just said or did. They don’t have to. These men are what you call Straight Shooters. What you see is what you get, no frills no gimmicks, he says what he means, he means what he says, good or bad, it all comes from his heart. No need to overanalyze anything this man says or does.

Joe Cool

Other guys don’t really think about the meaning of what they are saying or doing and will say and do anything as long as they think it sounds cool or fits the persona they’ve created for themselves. You can call this guy Joe Cool. Joe Cool can be described as a man trying to be an actor in the documentary of life. Trying to dissect this man’s actions and thought process is not only pointless, but a thorough waste of time and energy because it’s not based on the real world, but on the self absorbed one created in his head. Joe Cool has problems being himself because he doesn’t yet know who that really is. So how do you figure out a man who hasn’t figured himself out? You’re wasting your time.

Mystery Men

Then there are those Mystery Men who know that most women will overanalyze their actions and non actions anyway and so they say and do things purposely and randomly to appear like an enigma. These guys will have your head spinning for hours with a simple well timed “look” or ambiguous text. They do this for two main reasons, the first being because that’s what overanalyzing women get, and lastly because they’ve realized that too many women love that mystery man. Trying to figure out this man is like chasing the wind. He’s predictably unpredictable.

I’m not saying that analyzing your man is not important. What I am saying is that there’s a line you should draw. Because once you cross that line you’ve now opened yourself up to a world of problems, useless arguments and unnecessary stress.

Take the straight shooter for example. Over analyzing can take you to the point where you’re scrutinizing and questioning mundane things and now he thinks you don’t trust him. A lack of trust or a perceived lack of trust in any relationship inevitably leads to arguments and strife.

And what about Joe Cool? Are you really trying to figure out a man that lives his life based mostly on the expectations and perceptions of others, and not necessarily by anything he thinks or wants for himself? Good luck with that.

And for Mr. Enigma- If a guy seems way too mysterious, he’s probably doing most of it on purpose. Even if he is complex, then he should be intelligent enough to organize his complexity so you can understand him. There’s no need to waste your time and drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out.

So draw lines ladies. We all do it, but you have to realize when you’ve crossed the line into overanalyzing and take a few steps back.

As a good coach would tell an anxious player, “Just play it by feel and stop over thinking. Use and trust your intuition.”


John Morgan


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