Why do men look at women? Because that’s how we are set up. We’re visual creatures, and our eyes are a significant channel for attraction for us. But if you think that every look is a leer, you are greatly mistaken.
Look at it another way: I have always been a car guy. It’s not that I’m mechanically minded or particularly well off, but I like nice cars. I read the hot rod magazines in the doctors’ waiting rooms and drool ever so slightly over the photos from the latest auto show in the paper. I can kill an hour wandering around an auto yard like any woman could in a boutique or shoe store and I fantasize sometimes about driving a supercar. It’s an odd thing, because I drive an older Japanese-built minivan, and I don’t see that changing in a hurry, but still I find my head turning every time something low and sleek slips by on the highway.
To be totally realistic, the chances of me trading in the minivan for a Corvette are slim-to-none. The odds that I will talk my way into test driving a Lamborghini are even smaller and the possibility of me trying to steal something exotic and expensive are absolutely nil. What has any of this got to do with understanding the dynamics between men and women? Everything.
I like to look at fancy cars because I recognize that they are finely built machines and I can appreciate their beauty. But they’re not what I need, or in the real world even what I want. The same is true of that pretty girl in the short dress that just walked by. I am perfectly capable of acknowledging her undoubted physical attractiveness without somehow becoming enamored with her or disillusioned with my present relationship. It’s a much more objective thing; I just noticed that she has a great figure.
You will find a lot of guys are like that. They see a beautiful woman and recognize that she is (to borrow from the automotive example) well put together, and that is about it. Just like I don’t really want the stress and pressure of owning a supercar, most guys don’t want the drama and insecurities that come with dating a supermodel. We know how good we have it already, and just how well our lives are meshing with the decisions we have made. But we can’t ignore a thing of beauty and whether it’s the leather seats or a leather skirt, we’re drawn to take it in and appreciate it for a moment.
However, having said that, some guys do like to linger. The look of appreciation becomes one of appropriation – these are your potential car thieves, if you will. This kind of guy is the undress-you-with-his-eyes man, and I think most women can recognize those sorts of looks when they happen. If you have a guy who is talking to you but staring at someone else’s backside, their intentions are pretty clear. They are leering, fueling some sort of fantasy or making some kinds of plans to try to live beyond their means. If they glance up when they hear the click-clack of stilettos passing by and then look back to you though, there’s nothing to worry about.
In essence, women need to accept the fact that guys look, and work with it. Don’t glare down your man for appreciating beauty in any form. Instead consider what he’s saying; yes, she may look like someone out of a magazine, but I choose you anyway. That’s a pretty great compliment! Sure, he may have noticed that shiny new coupe that just eased past, but that’s all he did really – notice and move on. Most guys will readily acknowledge that we know what’s right for us and we won’t be letting go of it any time soon for some high-maintenance showpiece!
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