I know I have brought this up before in my article “Why Can’t I Find A Good Man” however John really wanted to write an article around the same topic and I figure if one opinion is good, two is even better. By reading both I’m sure you will see a similarity between how men think when it comes to first impressions.
I’ve often heard my female friends lament that they always seem to attract the same kind of guy and my response is always the same. If you don’t want to attract the same type of guy, perhaps you should stop doing the same things, stop going to the same places or stop acting the same way.
Neale Donald Walsch a great philosopher was quoted as saying,
“People believe I am what they see Me as, rather than what they do not see. But I am the Great Unseen, not what I cause Myself to be in any particular moment. In a sense, I am what I am not. It is from the Am-notness that I come, and to it I always return.”
The fact is that in that spontaneous moment when a man sets his eyes upon a woman, often, his attraction is based on the information immediately presented before him.
So if you’re wearing six inch heels, a short skirt that barely covers your rear and your best cleavage outfit, then it shouldn’t be all that surprising that the first guy that makes a move is one that is thinking only about a one night adventure and nothing more.
Perception is not everything, but it’s mostly everything. First impressions hold serious weight, that’s no secret, but many women fail to realize the impression they are giving off by subtle things.
For men, there are subtle things about women that form our first impressions. I was shocked to learn that most women aren’t even aware of many of the things from which men draw perceptions from. The way you dress, the way you act, and the friends you are with are our first reads.
Granted, the conclusions drawn from these surface perceptions many times don’t paint the complete picture of who a woman really is or what she’s all about, but often times they do. And while there are exceptions to the rule and surprises to be had, the bottom line is most men don’t bank on the exceptions. Most men bank on what they see and the reads they’ve made.
To give an example, if you find yourself attracting the player or the guy that is only in it for a one night stand, then instead of concluding that “there’s just no good men out there and all guys are sleaze bags,” it might be worthwhile to consider the impressions you’re giving off.
Subtle things like a neck or lower back tattoo, being too flirty, sensual/dirty dancing, a super sexy outfit, showing too much cleavage, bright pink lipstick, too much make-up, excessive amounts of bling jewellery, and even the appearances of your friends are all queues from which men draw perceptions about the type of woman you might be. Right or wrong, this is just how it is.
Worse yet for women, is that once a guy forms an opinion or perception of what kind of woman you are, it’s very difficult for that to be changed. We’ve programmed it in our heads and our actions from that point on are based on that program.
As an example, if a guy gets the impression that you are a conservative woman, he will conduct himself in a conservative manner and treat you as such. Conversely, if he has it in his mind that you are a party girl that’s not into relationships and just looking for a good time, then he’ll act accordingly.
Women have to understand that it’s not that all men are purely superficial, it’s just that most men already have so much difficulty reading women that often their best indication of the type of woman they are dealing with is what they see on the surface.
It could very well be that you are an honors student or an executive with a PhD, but too many tequila shots, that sexy low cut red dress and those six inch stilettos only attracted the guy that thinks your body is worth more than your mind.
Images in print and media have played a large role in forming perceptions. What you see isn’t always what you get, but as I mentioned before, most men aren’t making reads based on exceptions. You might be the CEO of a bank but if you’re dressed like a woman in hip-hop video, don’t be shocked if a jobless smooth talker wearing a bandana and a band-aid under his eye thinks he’s on your level.
The take home message is if you want to attract a certain type of guy, you have to give off the impression that you are a certain type of woman.
But wait. Hold on, it’s not that simple.
You see, you may very well be able to attract the type of guy you’re looking for, but if he thinks or has the impression that you’re something that you’re not, then he may act like something he’s not, and now you have something that you weren’t looking for.
Yes, it can get confusing, and that’s why misperceptions are one of the biggest barriers to relationships.
Please leave a comment below; Let me know what you think, I always love to hear opinions about the cartoons and articles we put up on the site.